notes on: friendship breakup blues
from someone who chose to walk away
Let it take up space in your brain. The thoughts will get louder if you don’t.
Rant to your boyfriend/girlfriend/work-wife-turned-best-friend/your nan who always gives the best advice and reminds you to stay kind. You’re being the bigger person in this situation.
Listen to Emma Chamberlin’s podcast on revenge and find comfort in the fact that it’s human nature to want revenge. Choose kindness anyway.
Remind yourself that anyone who makes you feel small doesn’t have a life or heart that you admire or desire. Tell yourself this when you’re feeling small.
Channel your feelings into a project and fully commit yourself to it, regardless of whether it’s work-related, for academic pursuit or for creative pleasure. Creating something to completion will give you a sense of satisfaction.
Create new memories to go along with the albums you used to listen to together. Yes, that may have been your shared favourite artist but it’s yours now.
Block them on social media because it won’t do you any good to stalk their profiles. Block their number and delete the text chains too.
Read and watch comforting and/or new literature and media about friendship because you’re not the first or the last to experience a friendship breakup.
Know that this is truly for the better because you’ve known in your bones that this friendship wasn’t serving you for a while. Remember it’s okay to grieve the person they were.
Go for dinner with new friends and drink chilled red wine as you tell them about what once was. They’ll likely offer you new insights and you will yet again know this was the right choice. Stand by that.
Don’t feel bad for the hurt you caused by walking away. The way they’re retaliating and blaming you is just a reflection of the person they are. You’re being the bigger person by taking it in your stride and not texting back.
Go for a walk and read in the park to get out your sadness and anger. Listen to this Gracie Abrams album whilst you do.
It’s likely they won’t understand the hurt they caused you so it’s not worth trying. You must find peace in the fact that they’ll possibly never understand.
Think about the future and all the people you are yet to meet and how excited you are that a toxic friendship is no longer included in it.
Over time your thoughts will slowly be less and less consumed with the memories of them and your last interaction. Understand that something, somewhere in the future will remind you of them and to sit in and reflect on whatever feelings arise when it does.
Again, it’s okay to grieve the person they once were before they changed.
You’re allowed to reflect on memories of them with happiness even if that chapter is closed. Know that you don’t have to ever forgive them if you don’t want but you also don’t have to decide this right now.
Just find comfort in the fact that you made the right decision for you and fuck that takes a lot of courage.
